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"Flower grannies" at their grandkids' wedding go viral

<p>Two grandmothers have stolen the show at their grandkids' wedding as they walked down the aisle as flower girls. </p> <p>The heartwarming moment was captured by wedding photographer Joshua Hugget, who was taking photos at the picturesque wedding in South Australia. </p> <p>The video shows the two grandmothers arm-in-arm, dropping flower petals down the aisle in lieu of the standard young flower girls. </p> <p>The bride, Michaela Treloar, shared with the <em><a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-03-03/grandmothers-who-were-flower-girls-become-viral-sensation/103519006?sf271999625=1&fbclid=IwAR21H0d9_RfQkyBfP6SuyI1L_3KN8a4CdTXqqmx8tEfN8SyIp3FXY_ryqbg_aem_AZyZ59VDrmi0hZ-kcRd9Yncw5hZywZzo313-pUSnNYZJ-K_2Z4fXcOVlFcvX0Gn-E40">ABC</a></em> how she and her partner both “wanted to include our grandmothers into our wedding somehow”, which resulted in the adorable moment.</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/reel/C3hCIP9PgsG/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/reel/C3hCIP9PgsG/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Joshua Huggett Media (@joshuahuggettmedia)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>“They took it on with pride, smashed it, and now they’ve gone viral,” exclaimed Treloar.</p> <p>“It was really cute … each nonna was helping each other get to the end of the aisle, chatting all the way.”</p> <p>The photographer who captured the moment shared that he believes something about the video is relatable to everyone in some way, and that is the secret to its success.</p> <p>“It hits that heart string straight away … it’s the perfect concoction of people saying they want to do that with their grandma, teamed with people saying they wish they could do that with their grandma now that they’d passed,” Joshua shared.</p> <p>The flower grannies shining moment has been viewed millions of times, with many leaving comments praising the married couple for including their grandmothers in their big day. </p> <p>“I have goosebumps head to toe! The smiles on the grannies’ faces …. Priceless!!!!!!!” One user commented. </p> <p>“Hope this trend catches on, it’s truly beautiful!”</p> <p><em>Image credits: Instagram - Joshua Hugget Media</em></p>

Family & Pets

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How to be kind to yourself (without going to a day spa)

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lydia-brown-179583">Lydia Brown</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-melbourne-722">The University of Melbourne</a></em></p> <p>“I have to be hard on myself,” Sarah told me in a recent telehealth psychology session. “I would never reach my potential if I was kind and let myself off the hook.”</p> <p>I could empathise with this fear of self-compassion from clients such as Sarah (not her real name). From a young age, we are taught to be kind to others, but self-kindness is never mentioned.</p> <p>Instead, we are taught success hinges on self-sacrifice. And we need a healthy inner critic to bully us forward into becoming increasingly better versions of ourselves.</p> <p>But <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0146167212445599">research shows</a> there doesn’t have to be a trade-off between self-compassion and success.</p> <p>Self-compassion can help you reach your potential, while supporting you to face the inevitable stumbles and setbacks along the way.</p> <h2>What is self-compassion?</h2> <p><a href="https://self-compassion.org/">Self-compassion</a> has <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15298860309027">three</a> key ingredients.</p> <p><strong>1. Self-kindness</strong></p> <p>This involves treating yourself with the same kindness you would extend towards a good friend – via your thoughts, feelings and actions – especially during life’s difficult moments.</p> <p>For instance, if you find yourself fixating on a minor mistake you made at work, self-kindness might involve taking a ten-minute walk to shift focus, and reminding yourself it is OK to make mistakes sometimes, before moving on with your day.</p> <p><strong>2. Mindfulness</strong></p> <p>In this context, mindfulness involves being aware of your own experience of stress or suffering, rather than repressing or avoiding your feelings, or over-identifying with them.</p> <p>Basically, you must see your stress with a clear (mindful) perspective before you can respond with kindness. If we avoid or are consumed by our suffering, we lose perspective.</p> <p><strong>3. Common humanity</strong></p> <p>Common humanity involves recognising our own experience of suffering as something that unites us as being human.</p> <p>For instance, a sleep-deprived parent waking up (for the fourth time) to feed their newborn might choose to think about all the other parents around the world doing exactly the same thing – as opposed to feeling isolated and alone.</p> <h2>It’s not about day spas, or booking a manicure</h2> <p>When Sarah voiced her fear that self-compassion would prevent her success, I explained self-compassion is distinct from self-indulgence.</p> <p>“So is self-compassion just about booking in more mani/pedis?” Sarah asked.</p> <p>Not really, I explained. A one-off trip to a day spa is unlikely to transform your mental health.</p> <p>Instead, self-compassion is a flexible <a href="https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-3-031-22348-8_7">psychological resilience factor</a> that shapes our thoughts, feelings and actions.</p> <p>It’s associated with a suite of benefits to our <a href="https://iaap-journals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/aphw.12051">wellbeing</a>, <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15298868.2011.639548">relationships</a> and <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/17437199.2019.1705872">health</a>.</p> <h2>What does the science say?</h2> <p>Over the past 20 years, we’ve learned self-compassionate people enjoy a wide range of benefits. They tend to be <a href="https://iaap-journals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/aphw.12051">happier</a> and have <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2012.06.003">fewer psychological symptoms</a> of distress.</p> <p>Those high on self-compassion <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0146167212445599">persevere</a> following a failure. They say they are more motivated to overcome a personal weakness than those low on self-compassion, who are more likely to give up.</p> <p>So rather than feeling trapped by your inadequacies, self-compassion encourages a <a href="https://hbr.org/2018/09/give-yourself-a-break-the-power-of-self-compassion">growth mindset</a>, helping you reach your potential.</p> <p>However, self-compassion is not a panacea. It will not change your life circumstances or somehow make life “easy”. It is based on the premise that life is hard, and provides practical tools to cope.</p> <h2>It’s a factor in healthy ageing</h2> <p>I research menopause and healthy ageing and am especially interested in the value of self-compassion through menopause and in the second half of life.</p> <p>Because self-compassion becomes important during life’s challenges, it can help people navigate physical symptoms (for instance, <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378512214001649?via%3Dihub">menopausal hot flushes</a>), life transitions such as <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0956797611429466">divorce</a>, and <a href="https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-3-031-22348-8_7">promote healthy ageing</a>.</p> <p>I’ve also teamed up with researchers at <a href="https://www.autismspectrum.org.au/">Autism Spectrum Australia</a> to explore self-compassion in autistic adults.</p> <p>We found autistic adults report significantly <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10803-022-05668-y">lower levels</a> of self-compassion than neurotypical adults. So we developed an online <a href="https://www.autismspectrum.org.au/blog/new-online-self-compassion-program-for-autistic-adults">self-compassion training program</a> for this at-risk population.</p> <h2>Three tips for self-compassion</h2> <p>You <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/jclp.21923">can learn</a> self-compassion with these three exercises.</p> <p><strong>1. What would you say to a friend?</strong></p> <p>Think back to the last time you made a mistake. What did you say to yourself?</p> <p>If you notice you’re treating yourself more like an enemy than a friend, don’t beat yourself up about it. Instead, try to think about what you might tell a friend, and direct that same friendly language towards yourself.</p> <p><strong>2. Harness the power of touch</strong></p> <p>Soothing human touch <a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychiatry/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2020.555058/full">activates</a> the parasympathetic “relaxation” branch of our nervous system and counteracts the fight or flight response.</p> <p>Specifically, self-soothing touch (for instance, by placing both hands on your heart, stroking your forearm or giving yourself a hug) <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2666497621000655">reduces</a> cortisol responses to psychosocial stress.</p> <p><strong>3. What do I need right now?</strong></p> <p>Sometimes, it can be hard to figure out exactly what self-compassion looks like in a given moment. The question “what do I need right now” helps clarify your true needs.</p> <p>For example, when I was 37 weeks pregnant, I woke up bolt awake one morning at 3am.</p> <p>Rather than beating myself up about it, or fretting about not getting enough sleep, I gently placed my hands on my heart and took a few deep breaths. By asking myself “what do I need right now?” it became clear that listening to a gentle podcast/meditation fitted the bill (even though I wanted to addictively scroll my phone).<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/223194/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lydia-brown-179583"><em>Lydia Brown</em></a><em>, Senior Lecturer in Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-melbourne-722">The University of Melbourne</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-to-be-kind-to-yourself-without-going-to-a-day-spa-223194">original article</a>.</em></p>

Caring

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"Go enjoy your life": Young woman announces her own death

<p>A young woman has announced the news of her own death after a gruelling battle with cancer, while sharing her wishes for her grieving loved ones. </p> <p>Daniella Thackray, a 25-year-old from Leeds, took to social media to share the her heart-breaking final words, after an eight-month battle with the rare disease. </p> <p>The young digital marketing specialist had pre-written the message for her family to post on her behalf after dying of cholangiocarcinoma, a type of cancer that forms in the bile ducts.</p> <p>The emotional message paid tribute to her family, fiancé Tom, and dog Leo, as she encouraged her loved ones to “enjoy the little things” in life and “cherish every moment” after she had “gone”.</p> <p>She wrote: “If you’re reading this then it means I have died from my battle with cancer and my family are posting my final message on my behalf.</p> <p>“Firstly, I just want to say that not all cancers are caused by lifestyle choices, in some cases it’s genetics or unfortunately it just happens." </p> <p>“In my case, despite me being very healthy and active, a cancer started in my bile ducts which was not caused by anything in my control and my life was never the same again."</p> <p>“Cholangiocarinoma is a rare aggressive cancer with often no obvious causes and no cure’.. I really really do hope that in the years to come more research is done about this horrid cruel disease so that more lives can be saved.”</p> <p>Despite her devastating diagnosis, she chose “not to mourn life” and make the most of her time. </p> <p>Daniella added: “So with that being said, although we can’t control what happens to us, we can control how we react. I chose not to mourn the life I was losing despite being so devastated, but to instead enjoy every moment I had left."</p> <p>“As I have always said and believed, you should enjoy the little things in life and cherish every moment! Romanticise your life! Do whatever makes you happy and don’t let anyone take the joy of life away from you." </p> <p>“I LOVED my life. Everything I had achieved was what I wanted. I loved my job, my fiancé, my family, my friends and my dog, and the house we were going to buy and the future we were making for ourselves."</p> <p>“Leo my fur baby was definitely brought into my life to help brighten my darkest days."</p> <p>“And lastly to my dear, beautiful Tom, I love you and always will. Thank you for supporting me and bringing so much love and happiness into my life. Go enjoy your life now, you deserve it.”</p> <p>Her message has already gained more than 30,000 likes, while hundreds of people rushed to leave their condolences to her loved ones.</p> <p>One person wrote, "Such courageous words from someone that I’ve never met. What a wonderful message to leave us with, may you rest in paradise.”</p> <p><em>Image credits: Facebook</em></p>

Caring

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Mother bans in-laws from seeing her baby after they go against her wishes

<p dir="ltr">A woman has banned her in-laws from seeing her newborn daughter after they “betrayed her trust” and directly went against her wishes. </p> <p dir="ltr">The new mum shared the story to Reddit, as she explained why she was cutting contact with her husband’s parents after they pierced her child’s ears without their knowledge or consent. </p> <p dir="ltr">“My husband is from a culture where it's not uncommon to pierce baby girls' ears and his mother started pestering me about getting my daughter's ears pierced a few days after she was born,” the 32-year-old mum began. </p> <p dir="ltr">“I made it clear that I would not be doing that, and that I'd be waiting until she's old enough to ask for it herself. We live in my country where piercing a baby's ears isn't common at all.”</p> <p dir="ltr">The new mum's world soon came crashing down after the baby spent a weekend with her grandparents, before she went back to her parents red in the face and screaming. </p> <p dir="ltr">“My mother-in-law was looking after her over the weekend and decided to pierce her ears without my knowledge or consent.”</p> <p dir="ltr">“When I saw this I threw a fit. My baby was crying in pain, and I actually took her to the doctor to get their advice on whether or not to take them out.”</p> <p dir="ltr">The doctor advised the parent to take the earrings out as they were irritating the baby, but the issue didn’t end there. </p> <p dir="ltr">“I decided at that moment that my mother-in-law and everyone else on that side of the family (except for my sister-in-law, who's on my side about this) is going to have no alone contact with my daughter ever again - or at least until she's a teenager.”</p> <p dir="ltr">“My worry is that she'll do the same thing again, and to be frank, she's lost my trust entirely. I told her that if she had a problem with that, I'd report what she did to the police.”</p> <p dir="ltr">The husband of the baby girl reluctantly sided with his wife over the issue, despite saying it wasn’t a big deal and suggesting everyone move on from the incident.</p> <p dir="ltr">The story prompted a mixed response online, with some people saying the woman was overreacting and should work towards rebuilding trust with her in-laws.</p> <p dir="ltr">Others, however, had the opposite opinion, with one person saying, “Forget rebuilding trust, I'd be having them charged with assault.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Another person said, “They mutilated a child and they knew it was against the parents wishes. These people have serious problems. Not that I'd press charges, but getting holes poked in someone else's kid is a huge thing.”</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p>

Family & Pets

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Readers respond: What is your go-to movie when you need a good cry?

<p>There's an abundance of movies out there, but not many that can bring you to tears. </p> <p>While <em>The Notebook </em>and <em>Beaches </em>are clearly the fan favourites for our readers, here are a few other recommendations that you can watch this holiday season. </p> <p>Get those tissues ready! </p> <p><strong>Carol Wardley </strong>- Its a wonderful life</p> <p>Watch the trailer <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLR3gZrU2Xo" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a>, and stream the movie on Stan.</p> <p><strong>Denyse Galle</strong> - Me Before You and A Walk to Remember </p> <p>Watch the trailer for <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eh993__rOxA" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Me Before you</a> and stream it on YouTube, Apple TV or Amazon Prime Video.</p> <p>Watch the trailer for <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3B2XBcp7vA" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A Walk to Remember</a> and stream it  on Apple TV or Amazon Prime Video</p> <p><strong>Kerrie Anne</strong> - The Remains of the Day</p> <p>Watch the trailer <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jALmEb72beg" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a> and stream it on <em>Netflix</em>.</p> <p><strong>Ken Smyth </strong>- Dancer in the Dark. That ending...</p> <p>Watch the trailer <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53vr9EiOH7g" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a> and stream it on <em>Apple TV</em>.</p> <p><strong>Michael Kopp</strong> - Bambi</p> <p>Watch the trailer <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDGv4GIR7A4" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a> and stream it on <em>Disney+.</em></p> <p><strong>Anne Connolly Finnegan</strong> - The Bridges of Madison county </p> <p>Watch the trailer <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Up-oN4NtvbM" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a> and stream it on YouTube.</p> <p><strong>Leone Mitchell </strong>- Love Story with Ryan O’Neal and Allie MacGraw beautiful</p> <p>Watch the trailer <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYhS8q66L38" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a> and stream it on Foxtel Go,  Binge or YouTube</p> <p><strong>Julie B</strong> - The Colour Purple</p> <p><span style="font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif;">Watch the trailer <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFMCW5-jdqM" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a> and stream it on Netflix. </span></p> <p>Are there any other movies that make you cry? Let us know. </p> <p><em><span style="font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif;">Image: Getty </span></em></p>

Movies

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Going home for the holidays? How to navigate conflict and deal with difficult people

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jessica-robles-617248">Jessica Robles</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/loughborough-university-1336">Loughborough University</a></em></p> <p>The holiday season is upon us and for many that means all the tension that comes with it. This time of year can be a minefield of uncomfortable moments, disagreement and outright conflict. It’s no wonder <a href="https://fortune.com/well/2022/12/03/home-for-holidays-family-gatherings-mental-health/">many young people</a> are apprehensive about returning home for the holidays after living far away.</p> <p>There are many reasons interpersonal difficulties can arise over the holidays. Perhaps your aunt doesn’t like what you did with her pie recipe, or your friend’s new partner has unsettling political beliefs. Maybe you haven’t lived at home in a while, but your family still talks to you like you’re the same person you were in school. Maybe you’re bringing your partner to meet your family for the first time, and aren’t sure whether everyone will get along.</p> <p>People have socialised less with friends and family <a href="https://triple-c.at/index.php/tripleC/article/view/1167">since the pandemic</a>, and may be feeling out of practice. This can be compounded by all the things people can disagree about.</p> <p>Some topics are higher risk for blowups, and best <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/book/10.1002/9781444354119#page=122">avoided</a> in such settings (religion and politics, for starters). Whether it’s <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11109-018-9476-2">true or not</a>, there’s a popular perception that tricky subjects are more numerous and divisive than ever. Dare one bring up anything adjacent to Brexit, vaccinations or the cost of living? Even bringing your mobile phone to the dining table could get you in trouble.</p> <p>So what happens if your uncle has too much mulled wine and something slips out that annoys or even horrifies you? Family arguments are a common theme in holiday films, but their scripted resolutions are rarely realistic and not based on <a href="https://repository.lboro.ac.uk/articles/book/Talk_the_science_of_conversation/9476291">empirical research</a>. By considering how these things work in the context of real interactions, we can move from what sounds good in theory to what we can put into practice.</p> <h2>Think before you speak</h2> <p>In real-world situations, <a href="http://pstorage-loughborough-53465.s3.amazonaws.com/21189843/Thesis2019Joyce.pdf">interactions can escalate</a> before you’re even fully aware that they’re happening. You might be able to anticipate why and how an interaction might become a problem. Does alcohol generally lead to arguments in your family? Are your parents usually hypercritical of your new partners? Consider how to avoid problems before they start.</p> <figure>In the moment, you can often spot “clues” that something is about to go awry. Trouble doesn’t usually emerge solely because of one person, but through <a href="https://www.taylorfrancis.com/chapters/edit/10.4324/9780429058011-13/conflict-interaction-phillip-glenn">the back-and-forth between people</a>. Assuming too much about who might be “the difficult one” and why won’t be helpful on its own.</figure> <p>You have to learn to recognise the conversational moves people are making (including your own) and see how <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/B9780126235500500082">other people respond to them</a>. Some facial expressions can express doubt or distrust, and contemptuous expressions (such as <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/08351813.2021.1936858">eye-rolling</a>) can signal that a conversation might take a turn toward insult rather than discussion. A response that starts with the word <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378216615002465?casa_token=gyu3pjfpGrEAAAAA:VwEe8rVBXvsbF9V_aeYylN42IpKYeZ1BGqp85VoP_rkBQZtEI5AbuqBloiPxgTKfsJjj5VTSvcY">“well”</a> can be warning of incoming disagreement.</p> <p>As you notice what ways of speaking get what kinds of responses, you can be more thoughtful about what you choose to say. Even <a href="https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-3-319-99094-1_2">changing a single word</a> can shift the direction of a conversation. A common sign that a conversation is starting to escalate unhelpfully is that people begin <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/08351813.2020.1826765?casa_token=AIU2DQgEJQUAAAAA%3AGoBBF8SPSXcDmiKBAwaIihjFngE1ck8QiVj0HFZO7VGxi8TtkOf7PB0j5NMV9ufgMN4BwF-dMFA1Gw">commenting on the conversation itself and accusing</a> one another of unreasonable behaviour. Once you learn to be more conscious of that, it can help you reflect on how to respond in ways that might deescalate… if that’s what you want to do.</p> <h2>Why we fight</h2> <p>There is a dilemma here: sometimes backing down from a conflict challenges our values of authenticity and commitment to our beliefs. If someone says something insulting, whether mild or <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378216622002120">egregious</a>, it feels disingenuous and morally irresponsible to smooth things over. Some conflict is worth engaging, especially with someone you care about who is willing to listen and think about things. The complication is, that’s not always the case.</p> <p>Often when people argue about something they care about, they end up <a href="https://ttu-ir.tdl.org/handle/2346/16661">misaligned</a> or “talking at cross purposes”, where they’re not really even discussing the same thing anymore. Every conversation has a trajectory, but it’s entirely possible for a conversation to have <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/2786745#metadata_info_tab_contents">parallel or divergent trajectories</a>. In such cases, it’s unlikely that any amount of <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/08351813.2019.1631044">good-faith discussion</a> is actually going to be <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378216618304302?casa_token=y7CoCCptr6AAAAAA:LCHuB6-BRaH4HPIothLVX_ENhSPlfshapdyvxzk9LjlQa24WJyRM4sXF2_bFp6oiWAfWnsVIoK8">productive</a>.</p> <p>At the end of the day, it’s also worth considering what makes a person or conversation “difficult”. Assigning that word to someone <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1468-2885.2001.tb00234.x?casa_token=g5XfR-FKNLEAAAAA:GFvy6M4CY9IHrE51_NTEJDNgf6bdPqJZPX2Q2KZStBesgv8UIJDj7YTBnVMOSpRCDRWbX-DsmkQFaWQ">is not a neutral or objective</a> statement. Maybe you, in fact, are the “difficult person”. Maybe, for some kinds of conflict, you should want to be difficult. And maybe, sometimes, it’s alright to go outside and let off steam with a snowball fight.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/196751/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jessica-robles-617248">Jessica Robles</a>, Lecturer in Social Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/loughborough-university-1336">Loughborough University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/going-home-for-the-holidays-how-to-navigate-conflict-and-deal-with-difficult-people-196751">original article</a>.</em></p>

Family & Pets

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"I can't go for that": Hall and Oates in bitter legal battle

<p>In a turn of events to rival any classic Hall & Oates song about heartbreak, betrayal and possibly a saxophone solo, the iconic musical duo has found themselves embroiled in a legal battle that might just be their most melodramatic performance yet.</p> <p>Daryl Hall, the soulful half of the duo, has accused longtime partner John Oates of committing the "ultimate partnership betrayal". Forget "Maneater", this is more like "Share Eater". In a court declaration that reads like the lyrics of a soulful ballad, Hall lamented the deterioration of his relationship with Oates, and trust us, it's not your typical "I can't go for that (no can do)" situation.</p> <p>The duo's joint venture, including trademarks, personal name and likeness rights, record royalty income and even the sacred social media assets, are now centre stage for a legal showdown. It's not quite the Hall & Oates Reunion Tour we were all hoping for.</p> <p>It appears Oates is planning to sell his share of Whole Oats Enterprises LLP without Hall's permission (cue dramatic music) – and Hall is not taking this lying down; he's filed a lawsuit to keep the transaction on pause, turning their dispute into a legal chart-topper.</p> <p>A judge has issued a temporary restraining order, effectively hitting the pause button on Oates' plan to part ways with Whole Oats Enterprises, with lawyers no doubt drafting lyrics for the inevitable courtroom musical as we speak.</p> <p>Oates, not one to let the accusations slide, fired back in his court filing, expressing disappointment in Hall's "inflammatory, outlandish, and inaccurate statements". He claims he's been trying to enhance their business partnership, but it seems like Hall might not be feeling the groove.</p> <p>The legal documents reveal that Hall is deeply troubled by the deterioration of their relationship, and who can blame him? It's not every day your musical partner decides to sell the band without even a courtesy call.</p> <p>Amid accusations of confidentiality breaches and timing that could rival the best plot twists, this court drama has all the elements of a hit '80s ballad. Will the duo find a way to harmonise once more, or is this the end of the road for Hall & Oates? We'll have to wait for the next verse in this legal serenade.</p> <p>In the meantime, keep those records spinning and maybe throw in some tissues for the emotional rollercoaster. It's a private affair gone public, and the fans are left wondering, "Did I miss the memo about this 'Global Divorce' album?"</p> <p><em>Image: Instagram</em></p>

Legal

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"I’m not going to be cured". How breast cancer awareness and support sidelines people with metastatic disease

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/sophie-lewis-111177">Sophie Lewis</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/andrea-smith-15431">Andrea Smith</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/katherine-kenny-318175">Katherine Kenny</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a></em></p> <p>There have been incredible <a href="https://www.cancer.gov/types/breast/research">advances</a> in breast cancer diagnosis and treatment in recent years. And stories about celebrities who have “beaten” breast cancer continue to be a source of inspiration for many people.</p> <p>However, this emphasis on fighting, beating and surviving cancer shuts out the voices of those who will not survive. That is, the many people diagnosed with incurable, life-limiting metastatic breast cancer, <a href="https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/cancer/cancer-data-in-australia">which kills nine Australians every day</a> or nearly <a href="https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/cancer/cancer-data-in-australia">3,300 people</a> a year. Yet an <a href="https://www.bcna.org.au/latest-news/bcna-news/making-metastatic-breast-cancer-count/">estimated 10,000</a> Australians are living with the diagnosis.</p> <p>Being diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer, as one of the authors has been, means ongoing treatment to live as long, and as well, as possible. It also means an ongoing need for emotional and practical support.</p> <p>However, society, health-care professionals, cancer advocacy organisations, even a patient’s closest family and friends, can struggle to understand what it is like to live with an incurable and life-limiting cancer and how best to provide support.</p> <h2>Why is there so little awareness?</h2> <p><a href="https://www.breastcancer.org/types/metastatic">Metastatic breast cancer</a>, also called stage four breast cancer, is the most serious form of breast cancer. Unlike early breast cancer that is contained within the breast or nearby lymph nodes, metastatic breast cancer has spread to other parts of the body, most often the bones, lungs, liver, or brain.</p> <p>There is no cure for metastatic breast cancer despite decades of advocacy, funding and research. Treatment continues for as long as it helps to control the cancer and is tolerated by the patient. Median survival is <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.5694/mja2.51687">two to three years</a>, although newer, novel treatments mean some patients are living much longer.</p> <p>As a society, we can be uncomfortable <a href="https://theconversation.com/before-you-go-are-you-in-denial-about-death-34056">talking about and facing death</a>. When it comes to cancer, we usually prefer focusing on good news stories. These narratives are often perceived to be better for fundraising and are reassuring for people newly diagnosed. But they fail to <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/1467-9566.13704">represent</a> the diversity and reality of cancer experiences.</p> <p>Despite considerable research into people with non-metastatic breast cancer, <a href="https://www.bcna.org.au/latest-news/bcna-news/making-metastatic-breast-cancer-count/">relatively little</a> is known about Australians with metastatic breast cancer.</p> <h2>Feeling silenced and unsupported</h2> <p>Through our <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/1467-9566.13704">research</a> we wanted to better understand people’s experiences of metastatic breast cancer. We interviewed 38 participants from around Australia with diverse experiences of metastatic breast cancer. Participants were recruited through breast cancer and community organisations.</p> <p>We found messages and public campaigns about cancer survivorship, which emphasise hope and positivity, drowned out the voices of those with metastatic breast cancer. The focus on “success stories” about surviving breast cancer made some people feel like it was their responsibility to “beat” cancer. If they didn’t, it was their own fault. </p> <p>As one interviewee told us: "I react quite badly to all the, ‘we’ve had breast cancer and we beat it and we’ve survived. Aren’t we fantastic.’ There’s almost a feeling if you haven’t beaten your breast cancer you haven’t tried hard enough."</p> <p>Silence around metastatic breast cancer was common in research participants’ experiences. It prevented many from connecting with others and to the support they needed. It even affected relationships with those closest to them leaving them feeling misunderstood: "They don’t realise I’ve got to be on treatment forever. I’m not going to be cured. I think society thinks everything can be fixed; metastatic breast cancer actually can’t be fixed."</p> <p>Sharing deep fears and worries about their life expectancy can leave people with metastatic breast cancer feeling drained rather than supported. Many participants reported having to support and shield family, friends, acquaintances and work colleagues from the reality of their terminal diagnosis.</p> <p>"You hide how you feel because you don’t want to be avoided […] You put on that big, happy face. But like an onion if you peeled the layers away, you’d find out what’s going on."</p> <p>While many participants wanted to join a community of people with metastatic breast cancer, they struggled to know how to find one. Those who did, emphasised how invaluable it had been: "Being able to identify with and know that these people really get me is a huge relief and it reduces the isolation."</p> <p>These findings echo <a href="https://www.bcna.org.au/media/alcjjmm2/bcna_member-survey-report_2017.pdf">previous research</a> demonstrating people with metastatic breast cancer have higher support needs than those with non-metastatic breast cancer. And these needs are <a href="https://www.bcna.org.au/media/alcjjmm2/bcna_member-survey-report_2017.pdf">less likely to be met</a> by <a href="https://bmchealthservres.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12913-022-08269-8">health care, support services</a>, family or friends.</p> <h2>A new path</h2> <p>Being diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer can be terrifying, lonely and create significant support needs. It is essential people with metastatic breast cancer have their <a href="https://ascopubs.org/doi/10.1200/OP.20.00183">voices listened to</a> and their needs met.</p> <p>Next steps should include:</p> <ul> <li> <p><a href="https://bcna-dxp.azureedge.net/media/d32bhdzf/bcna_making-metastatic-breast-cancer-count_2022.pdf">improving data collection by cancer registries</a> so we know exactly how many people in Australia have metastatic breast cancer</p> </li> <li> <p>increasing representation of people with metastatic breast cancer in advocacy, support organisations and research</p> </li> <li> <p>nationwide access to peer-to-peer programs and professionally led metastatic breast cancer support groups.</p> </li> </ul> <p>We must ensure people with metastatic breast cancer are the ones to speak to their experience and needs. As a colleague with metastatic breast cancer said: "I read an article written by an early-stage breast cancer ‘survivor’. It felt like someone describing winter when they had only ever experienced autumn."</p> <p>If you or someone you know has metastatic breast cancer, these organisations may be able to support you or connect you with others with the same diagnosis:</p> <ul> <li> <p><a href="https://www.bcna.org.au">Breast Cancer Network Australia</a> for information and support</p> </li> <li> <p><a href="https://www.mcgrathfoundation.com.au/">McGrath Foundation</a> for information about access to metastatic breast care nurses.</p> </li> </ul> <hr /> <p><em>The authors would like to thank the members of Breast Cancer Network Australia’s Metastatic Breast Cancer Lived Experience Reference Group for their review of this article.</em><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/215458/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/sophie-lewis-111177">Sophie Lewis</a>, Senior Lecturer, University of Sydney, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/andrea-smith-15431">Andrea Smith</a>, Research fellow, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/katherine-kenny-318175">Katherine Kenny</a>, ARC DECRA Senior Research Fellow, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/im-not-going-to-be-cured-how-breast-cancer-awareness-and-support-sidelines-people-with-metastatic-disease-215458">original article</a>.</em></p>

Caring

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What do people think about when they go to sleep?

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/melinda-jackson-169319">Melinda Jackson</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/monash-university-1065">Monash University</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/hailey-meaklim-151642">Hailey Meaklim</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-melbourne-722">The University of Melbourne</a></em></p> <p>You’re lying in bed, trying to fall asleep but the racing thoughts won’t stop. Instead, your brain is busy making detailed plans for the next day, replaying embarrassing <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@ryanhdlombard/video/7052464974324583681?q=sleep%20thoughts&amp;t=1693536926124">moments</a> (“why did I say that?”), or producing seemingly random thoughts (“where is my birth certificate?”).</p> <p>Many social media users have shared <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@komasawn/video/7267320333613419818">videos</a> on how to fall asleep faster by <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@lilslvrtt/video/7225272823562997000">conjuring</a> up “<a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@ekai.is.okay/video/7169530076143439131?q=fake%20scenario%20fall%20asleep&amp;t=1693537172625">fake scenarios</a>”, such as a romance storyline where you’re the main character.</p> <p>But what does the research say? Does what we think about before bed influence how we sleep?</p> <h2>How you think in bed affects how you sleep</h2> <p>It turns out people who sleep well and those who sleep poorly have different kinds of thoughts before bed.</p> <p><a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1087079219302217">Good sleepers report</a> experiencing mostly visual sensory images as they drift to sleep – seeing people and objects, and having dream-like experiences.</p> <p>They may have less ordered thoughts and more hallucinatory experiences, such as imagining you’re participating in events in the real world.</p> <p>For people with insomnia, pre-sleep thoughts tend to be less visual and more focused on planning and problem-solving. These thoughts are also generally more unpleasant and less random than those of good sleepers.</p> <p>People with insomnia are also more likely to stress about sleep as they’re <em>trying</em> to sleep, leading to a vicious cycle; putting effort into sleep actually wakes you up more.</p> <p>People with insomnia often <a href="https://bpspsychub.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1348/014466500163284">report</a> worrying, planning, or thinking about important things at bedtime, or focusing on problems or noises in the environment and having a general preoccupation with not sleeping.</p> <p>Unfortunately, all this pre-sleep mental activity can prevent you drifting off.</p> <p>One <a href="https://academic.oup.com/sleep/article/27/1/69/2707948">study</a> found even people who are normally good sleepers can have sleep problems if they’re stressed about something at bedtime (such as the prospect of having to give a speech when they wake up). Even <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17884278/">moderate levels of stress at bedtime</a> could affect sleep that night.</p> <p>Another <a href="https://jcsm.aasm.org/doi/full/10.5664/jcsm.6704">study</a> of 400 young adults looked at how binge viewing might affect sleep. The researchers found higher levels of binge viewing were associated with poorer sleep quality, more fatigue, and increased insomnia symptoms. “Cognitive arousal”, or mental activation, caused by an interesting narrative and identifying with characters, could play a role.</p> <p>The good news is there are techniques you can use to change the style and content of your pre-sleep thoughts. They could help reduce nighttime cognitive arousal or to replace unwanted thoughts with more pleasant ones. These techniques are called “cognitive refocusing”.</p> <h2>What is cognitive refocusing?</h2> <p>Cognitive refocusing, developed by US psychology researcher <a href="https://artsandsciences.syracuse.edu/people/faculty/gellis-phd-les-a/">Les Gellis</a>, involves distracting yourself with pleasant thoughts before bed. It’s like the “fake scenarios” social media users post about – but the trick is to think of a scenario that’s not <em>too</em> interesting.</p> <p>Decide <em>before</em> you go to bed what you’ll focus on as you lie there waiting for sleep to come.</p> <p>Pick an engaging cognitive task with enough scope and breadth to maintain your interest and attention – without causing emotional or physical arousal. So, nothing too scary, thrilling or stressful.</p> <p>For example, if you like interior decorating, you might imagine redesigning a room in your house.</p> <p>If you’re a football fan, you might mentally replay a passage of play or imagine a game plan.</p> <p>A music fan might mentally recite lyrics from their favourite album. A knitter might imagine knitting a blanket.</p> <p>Whatever you choose, make sure it’s suited to you and your interests. The task needs to feel pleasant, without being overstimulating.</p> <p>Cognitive refocusing is not a silver bullet, but it can help.</p> <p>One <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/07448481.2022.2109031">study</a> of people with insomnia found those who tried cognitive refocusing had significant improvements in insomnia symptoms compared to a control group.</p> <h2>How ancient wisdom can help us sleep</h2> <p>Another age-old technique is mindfulness meditation.</p> <p>Meditation practice can increase our self-awareness and make us more aware of our thoughts. This can be useful for helping with rumination; often when we try to block or stop thoughts, it can make matters worse.</p> <p>Mindfulness training can help us recognise when we’re getting into a rumination spiral and allow us to sit back, almost like a passive observer.</p> <p>Try just watching the thoughts, without judgement. You might even like to say “hello” to your thoughts and just let them come and go. Allow them to be there and see them for what they are: just thoughts, nothing more.</p> <p><a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s12671-021-01714-5">Research from our group</a> has shown mindfulness-based therapies can help people with insomnia. It may also help people with <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s11920-022-01370-z">psychiatric conditions</a> such as bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder and schizophrenia get more sleep.</p> <h2>What can help ease your pre-sleep thoughts?</h2> <p>Good sleep starts the moment you wake up. To give yourself your best shot at a good night’s sleep, start by getting up at the same time each day and getting some morning light exposure (regardless of how much sleep you had the night before).</p> <p>Have a consistent bedtime, reduce technology use in the evening, and do regular exercise during the day.</p> <p>If your mind is busy at bedtime, try cognitive refocusing. Pick a “fake scenario” that will hold your attention but not be too scary or exciting. Rehearse this scenario in your mind at bedtime and enjoy the experience.</p> <p>You might also like to try:</p> <ul> <li> <p>keeping a consistent bedtime routine, so your brain can wind down</p> </li> <li> <p>writing down worries earlier in the day (so you don’t think about them at bedtime)</p> </li> <li> <p>adopting a more self-compassionate mindset (don’t beat yourself up at bedtime over your imagined shortcomings!).<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/207406/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> </li> </ul> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/melinda-jackson-169319"><em>Melinda Jackson</em></a><em>, Associate Professor at Turner Institute for Brain and Mental Health, School of Psychological Sciences, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/monash-university-1065">Monash University</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/hailey-meaklim-151642">Hailey Meaklim</a>, Sleep Psychologist and Researcher, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-melbourne-722">The University of Melbourne</a></em></p> <p><em>Image </em><em>credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/what-do-people-think-about-when-they-go-to-sleep-207406">original article</a>.</em></p>

Mind

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The science of dreams and nightmares – what is going on in our brains while we’re sleeping?

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/drew-dawson-13517">Drew Dawson</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/cquniversity-australia-2140">CQUniversity Australia</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/madeline-sprajcer-1315489">Madeline Sprajcer</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/cquniversity-australia-2140">CQUniversity Australia</a></em></p> <p>Last night you probably slept for <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2352721816301292">seven to eight hours</a>. About one or two of these was likely in deep sleep, especially if you’re young or physically active. That’s because <a href="http://apsychoserver.psych.arizona.edu/jjbareprints/psyc501a/readings/Carskadon%20Dement%202011.pdf">sleep changes with age</a> and <a href="https://www.hindawi.com/journals/apm/2017/1364387/">exercise</a> affects brain activity. About three or four hours will have been spent in light sleep.</p> <p>For the remaining time, you were likely in rapid eye movement (REM) sleep. While this is not the only time your brain is potentially dreaming – we also dream during other sleep stages – it is the time your brain activity is most likely to be recalled and reported when you’re awake.</p> <p>That’s usually because either really weird thoughts or feelings wake you up or because the last hour of sleep is nearly all <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Elizaveta-Solomonova/publication/320356182_Dream_Recall_and_Content_in_Different_Stages_of_Sleep_and_Time-of-Night_Effect/links/5a707bdb0f7e9ba2e1cade56/Dream-Recall-and-Content-in-Different-Stages-of-Sleep-and-Time-of-Night-Effect.pdf">REM sleep</a>. When dreams or your alarm wake you, you’re likely coming out of dream sleep and your dream often lingers into the first few minutes of being awake. In this case you remember it.</p> <p>If they’re strange or interesting dreams, you might tell someone else about them, which may further <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00426-022-01722-7">encode</a> the dream memory.</p> <p>Dreams and nightmares are mysterious and we’re still learning about them. They keep our brains ticking over. They wash the thoughts from the day’s events at a molecular level. They might even help us imagine what’s possible during our waking hours.</p> <h2>What do scientists know about REM sleep and dreaming?</h2> <p>It’s really hard to study dreaming because people are asleep and we can’t observe what’s going on. Brain imaging has indicated certain <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1087079216300673#sec3">patterns of brain activity</a> are associated with dreaming (and with certain sleep stages where dreams are more likely to occur). But such studies ultimately rely on self-reports of the dream experience.</p> <p>Anything we spend so much time doing probably serves multiple ends.</p> <p>At the basic physiological level (indicated by <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1053810021001409">brain activity, sleep behaviour and studies of conciousness</a>), all mammals dream – even the platypus and echidna probably experience something similar to dreaming (provided they are at the <a href="https://www.wired.com/2014/07/the-creature-feature-10-fun-facts-about-the-echidna/#:%7E:text=It%20was%20long%20thought%20that,re%20at%20the%20right%20temperature.">right temperature</a>). Their brain activity and sleep stages align to some degree with human <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1053810021001409#b0630">REM sleep</a>.</p> <p>Less evolved species do not. Some <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2468867319301993#sec0030">jellyfish</a> – who do not have a brain – do experience what could physiologically be characterised as sleep (shown by their posture, quietness, lack of responsiveness and rapid “waking” when prompted). But they do not experience the same physiological and behavioural elements that resemble REM dream sleep.</p> <p>In humans, REM sleep is thought to occur cyclically every 90 to 120 minutes across the night. It prevents us from sleeping too deeply and being <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4972941/">vulnerable to attack</a>. Some scientists think we dream in order to stop our brains and bodies from getting too cold. Our core body temperature is typically <a href="https://www.thelancet.com/journals/laneur/article/PIIS1474-4422(22)00210-1/fulltext">higher while dreaming</a>. It is typically easier to <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.2147/NSS.S188911">wake from dreaming</a> if we need to respond to external cues or dangers.</p> <p>The brain activity in REM sleep kicks our brain into gear for a bit. It’s like a periscope into a more conscious state, observing what’s going on at the surface, then going back down if all is well.</p> <p>Some evidence suggests “fever dreams” are far less common than we might expect. We actually experience <a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.00053/full">far less REM sleep</a> when we have a fever – though the dreams we do have tend to be <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3830719/">darker in tone and more unusual</a>.</p> <p>Spending less time in REM sleep when we’re feverish might happen because we are far less capable of regulating our body temperature in this stage of sleep. To protect us, our brain tries to regulate our temperature by “skipping” this sleep stage. We tend to have fewer dreams when the weather is hot <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/23744731.2020.1756664">for the same reason</a>.</p> <h2>A deep-cleaning system for the brain</h2> <p>REM sleep is important for ensuring our brain is working as it should, as indicated by studies using <a href="https://www.cell.com/current-biology/pdf/S0960-9822(17)31329-5.pdf">electoencephalography</a>, which measures brain activity.</p> <p>In the same way deep sleep helps the body restore its physical capacity, dream sleep “<a href="https://www.cell.com/current-biology/pdf/S0960-9822(17)31329-5.pdf">back-flushes</a>” our neural circuits. At the molecular level, the chemicals that underpin our thinking are bent out of shape by the day’s cognitive activity. Deep sleep is when those chemicals are returned to their unused shape. The brain is “<a href="https://www.science.org/doi/abs/10.1126/science.1241224">washed</a>” with cerebrospinal fluid, controlled by the <a href="https://theconversation.com/on-your-back-side-face-down-mice-show-how-we-sleep-may-trigger-or-protect-our-brain-from-diseases-like-als-181954">glymphatic system</a>.</p> <p>At the next level, dream sleep “tidies up” our recent memories and feelings. During <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC534695/">REM sleep</a>, our brains consolidate procedural memories (of how to do tasks) and emotions. <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC534695/">Non-REM sleep</a>, where we typically expect fewer dreams, is important for the consolidation of episodic memories (events from your life).</p> <p>As our night’s sleep progresses, we produce more cortisol - the <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2005-01907-021">stress hormone</a>. It is thought the amount of cortisol present can impact the type of memories we are consolidating and potentially the types of dreams we have. This means the dreams we have later in the night may be <a href="https://learnmem.cshlp.org/content/11/6/671.full.pdf">more fragmented or bizarre</a>.</p> <p>Both kinds of sleep help <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Jb-Eichenlaub/publication/313545620_Daily_Life_Experiences_in_Dreams_and_Sleep-Dependent_Memory_Consolidation/links/5c532b0ba6fdccd6b5d76270/Daily-Life-Experiences-in-Dreams-and-Sleep-Dependent-Memory-Consolidation.pdf?ref=nepopularna.org">consolidate</a> the useful brain activity of the day. The brain also discards less important information.</p> <h2>Random thoughts, rearranged feelings</h2> <p>This filing and discarding of the day’s activities is going on while we are sleeping. That’s why we often dream about things that happen <a href="https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0264574">during the day</a>.</p> <p>Sometimes when we’re rearranging the thoughts and feelings to go in the “<a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3921176/">bin</a>” during sleep, our level of consciousness allows us to experience awareness. Random thoughts and feelings end up all jumbled together in weird and wonderful ways. Our awareness of this process may explain the bizarre nature of some of our dreams. Our daytime experiences can also fuel nightmares or anxiety-filled dreams after a <a href="https://www.sleepfoundation.org/dreams/how-trauma-can-affect-dreams">traumatic event</a>.</p> <p>Some dreams appear to <a href="https://rai.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdfdirect/10.1111/j.1467-9655.2010.01668.x">foretell the future or carry potent symbolism</a>. In many societies dreams are believed to be a window into an <a href="https://digitalcommons.ciis.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1050&amp;context=ijts-transpersonalstudies">alternate reality</a> where we can envisage what is possible.</p> <h2>What does it all mean?</h2> <p>Our scientific understanding of the thermoregulatory, molecular and basic neural aspects of dreaming sleep is <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/nrn2716">good</a>. But the psychological and spiritual aspects of dreaming remain largely hidden.</p> <p>Perhaps our brains are wired to try and make sense of things. Human societies have always interpreted the random – birds wheeling, tea leaves and the planets – and looked for <a href="https://brill.com/display/book/edcoll/9789047407966/B9789047407966-s003.xml">meaning</a>. Nearly every human society has regarded dreams as more than just random neural firing.</p> <p>And the history of science tells us some things once thought to be magic can later be understood and harnessed – for better or worse.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/210901/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/drew-dawson-13517"><em>Drew Dawson</em></a><em>, Director, Appleton Institute, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/cquniversity-australia-2140">CQUniversity Australia</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/madeline-sprajcer-1315489">Madeline Sprajcer</a>, Lecturer in Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/cquniversity-australia-2140">CQUniversity Australia</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/the-science-of-dreams-and-nightmares-what-is-going-on-in-our-brains-while-were-sleeping-210901">original article</a>.</em></p>

Mind

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"Where did the time go": Jessica Alba's bittersweet update

<p>Jessica Alba has shared a bittersweet post of her two daughters Honor Marie, 15, and Haven Garner, 12, on their first day back-to-school. </p> <p>The doting mum took to Instagram to share the photos of her two girls with the sweet caption: “10th and 7th -where did the time go… (sigh 💔) my baby girls first day of school!"</p> <p>She also added the hashtags #momlifeisthebestlife #summerisofficiallyover #firstdayofschool.</p> <p>In the first photo, her daughters had their arms wrapped around each other as they posed for their mum in front of their house. </p> <p>In the second photo, the pair were cheesing hard, with their arms still wrapped around each other. Honor rocked a pair of baggy mum jeans, a white tank top and matching sneakers, while Haven had a similar aesthetic with pair black cargo pants, a light blue tank top and black and white sneakers. </p> <p>A few of the star's celebrity friends took to the comments to share their sentiment. </p> <p>"Wherever they went; they went beautifully 😍"<em> Basic Instinct </em>actress Sharon Stone wrote. </p> <p><em>How to Get Away with Murder</em> actress Viola Davies commented a few crying and red heart emojis. </p> <p>American actor and TV host Mario Lopez also commented red heart emojis. </p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CwgvQrgLIn2/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CwgvQrgLIn2/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Jessica Alba (@jessicaalba)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>Fans also took to the comments to express their shock at how quickly time flies. </p> <p>"WHAT THE HECK!! Haven was just a baby!! 😩😩😩" wrote one person. </p> <p>"They are so cute!!!! And so grown up. Time flies!" wrote another. </p> <p>"Awww ❤️ can’t believe how fast time goes!!" commented a third. </p> <p>Alba shares her two daughters and 5-year-old son Hayes with her husband Cash Warren. The couple first met on the set of Fantastic Four in 2004 and tied the knot three years later. </p> <p><em>Images: Instagram</em></p>

Family & Pets

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In a Barbie world … after the movie frenzy fades, how do we avoid tonnes of Barbie dolls going to landfill?

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/alan-pears-52">Alan Pears</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/rmit-university-1063">RMIT University</a></em></p> <p>It made headlines around the world when the much-hyped Barbie movie contributed to a <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/film/2023/jun/05/barbie-film-required-so-much-pink-paint-it-contributed-to-worldwide-shortage">world shortage</a> of fluorescent pink paint.</p> <p>But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. When movies or TV shows become cultural phenomena, toymakers jump on board. And that comes with a surprisingly large amount of plastic waste. Think of the fad for <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/business-51554386">Baby Yoda dolls</a> after the first season of The Mandalorian in 2020. When the Barbie movie comes out this week, it’s bound to trigger a wave of doll purchases over and above the <a href="https://environment-review.yale.edu/most-materials-are-recyclable-so-why-cant-childrens-toys-be-sustainable">60 million Barbies</a> already sold annually.</p> <p>Toys are the most plastic-intensive consumer goods in the world, <a href="https://wedocs.unep.org/bitstream/handle/20.500.11822/25302/Valuing_Plastic_ES.pdf">according to</a> a 2014 United Nations Environment Program report.</p> <p>Worse, very few toys are recycled. That’s often because they can’t be – they’re made of a complex mixture of plastics, metals and electronics. When children get bored, these toys often end up in landfill.</p> <h2>The toll of the dolls</h2> <p>Consider a single Barbie doll. What did it cost to create?</p> <p>Before the US-China trade war, <a href="https://asia.nikkei.com/Spotlight/The-Big-Story/China-s-toy-making-capital-scrambles-to-reinvent-itself">half the world’s toys</a> were manufactured in Dongguan, a city in China. That included one in three Barbie dolls.</p> <p>American researchers <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S2352550922000550">last year quantified</a> what each doll costs the climate. Every 182 gram doll caused about 660 grams of carbon emissions, including plastic production, manufacture and transport.</p> <p>The researchers analysed seven other types of toys, including Lego sets and Jenga. By my calculations, emissions on average across all these types of toys are about 4.5 kilograms per kilogram of toys.</p> <p>Scaled up, this is considerable. In the US, <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2021/oct/21/plastics-greenhouse-gas-emissions-climate-crisis">it’s estimated</a> emissions from the plastics industry will overtake those from coal within seven years.</p> <p>So the question is, how can we cut our emissions to zero as fast as possible to ensure we and our children have a liveable climate – without putting a blanket ban on plastic toys? After all, toys and entertainment add happiness to our lives.</p> <h2>The role for toymakers and governments</h2> <p>To date, there has been little focus on making the toy industry more sustainable. But it shouldn’t escape our notice.</p> <p>Toy manufacturers can – and should – use low carbon materials and supply chains, and focus on making toys easily dissembled. Toys should be as light as possible, to minimise transport emissions. And battery-powered toys should be avoided wherever possible, as they <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S2352550922000550">can double</a> a toy’s climate impact and turn a plastic waste problem into an electronic waste problem. To their credit, some toymakers <a href="https://time.com/6126981/my-kids-want-plastic-toys-i-want-to-go-green-heres-a-fix/">have cut back</a> on plastic in their packaging, given packaging immediately becomes waste.</p> <p>In a welcome move, the maker of Barbie, Mattel, launched their own recycling scheme in 2021, allowing buyers to send back old toys to be turned into new ones. This scheme isn’t available in Australia, however.</p> <p>Toymakers can help at the design stage by choosing the materials they use carefully. Governments can encourage this by penalising cheap, high-environmental-impact plastics. We can look to the <a href="https://www.clientearth.org/latest/press-office/press-list/eu-court-delivers-final-blow-to-plastics-industry-on-bpa/">European</a> and American bans on BPA-containing plastics in infant milk bottles as an example of what’s possible. Governments can set up effective recovery and recycling systems able to handle toys.</p> <p>Some plastic-dependent brands such as Lego are unilaterally moving away from petrochemical-based plastic in favour of sugarcane-based plastic. But it’s not a <a href="https://www.wired.com/story/lego-sustainable-bricks/">short-term project</a>.</p> <p>While Barbie dolls had an <a href="https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2021-02-24/barbie-s-pandemic-sales-boom-followed-yearslong-revamp-at-mattel">uptick in popularity</a> during the pandemic years – and will no doubt have another surge alongside the movie – longer-term trends are dampening plastic toy impact. While movies in the 1980s were often “<a href="https://www.dictionary.com/browse/toyetic?s=t">toyetic</a>” – conceived with an eye to toy sales – the trend is on the wane.</p> <p>Gaming, for instance, has moved to centre stage for many older children. While gaming produces e-waste streams, it is also a likely cause of the <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/film/2018/apr/05/lights-camera-but-no-action-figures-are-movie-toys-going-out-of-fashion">longer-term fall</a> in popularity of plastic toys.</p> <h2>What should we do?</h2> <p>If you’re a parent or an indulgent grandparent, it’s hard to avoid buying toys entirely – especially if your child gets obsessed with Barbie dolls after seeing the movie. So what should you do?</p> <p>For starters, we can avoid cheap and nasty toys which are likely to break very quickly. Instead, look for toys which will last – and which will lend themselves to longer-term creative play. Think of the enduring popularity of brick-based toys or magnetic tiles. Look for secondhand toys. And look for toys made of simpler materials able to be recycled at the end of their lives – or even for the Barbie dolls made out of <a href="https://www.today.com/shop/mattel-barbie-doll-recycled-plastic-t221461">ocean plastics</a>. <img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/209601/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/alan-pears-52">Alan Pears</a>, Senior Industry Fellow, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/rmit-university-1063">RMIT University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/in-a-barbie-world-after-the-movie-frenzy-fades-how-do-we-avoid-tonnes-of-barbie-dolls-going-to-landfill-209601">original article</a>.</em></p>

Movies

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Here’s why you need to go for a walk every single day

<p><strong>The benefits of walking every day </strong></p> <p>Twenty summers ago, Nancy Duguay stood at the side of a soccer pitch in watching her 11-year-old son sprint back and forth, and wished she had a cigarette.</p> <p>Duguay, then 39 and a cardiac-rehab nurse, was trying to quit smoking after having the habit for more than half her life. She’d sneaked her first cigarettes from her parents’ packs as a teen and hadn’t stopped since. With her hands empty as she waited for her son’s practice to end, the urge for a puff gnawed at her.</p> <p>Behind the field, the heavily forested Sugarloaf Mountain stood guard. As a kid, Duguay and her friends regularly hiked the mountain and picnicked on its peak.</p> <p>Then an idea struck her: walking instead of smoking. She told another parent that she would be back in time to pick up her son and then set off for the mountain. “In just my regular sneakers, a pair of shorts and a T-shirt,” she remembers.</p> <p>Duguay’s heart pounded as she climbed, and she stopped often to rest. When she arrived at the top, she took in the view that sweeps over the city and across the river to the rolling hills of the Gaspé Peninsula.</p> <p>“I just felt so good,” says Duguay. “My natural endorphins kicked in, and the craving was gone.”</p> <p>Almost every day since, she has gone for a walk – and the habit has changed her life. Not only did she quit smoking, but her resting heart rate dropped from 80 beats per minute to 60. The ritual has given her a lot more, as well: stress relief, mental-health management, and a sense of community.</p> <p>“There’s a psychological and physical need to do it now,” she says. “I want to keep healthy and keep moving.” Keep reading to discover more incredible health benefits of walking every day.</p> <p><strong>It's good for your body</strong></p> <p>A growing body of research confirms what Duguay discovered: there are enormous benefits in walking every day. According to a report from the Canadian Academy of Sport and Exercise Medicine, walking for 150 minutes a week can reduce the risk of most major chronic diseases by 25 to 50 per cent. In fact, light to moderate exercise has been found to be more effective than medication during rehabilitation after a stroke. For prevention of diabetes and as a secondary treatment of heart disease, walking is equally as effective as taking drugs.</p> <p>In 2019, a Journal of Clinical Oncology study reported that a small amount of physical activity – such as taking a brisk walk for 20 minutes or more a day – is linked to a lower risk of seven types of cancer. Meanwhile, more walking means better sleep, too. In a recent study of middle-aged men and women, the participants who took more steps during the day slept better at night.</p> <p>“We need to start thinking about walking as a healthy activity,” advises Dr Jane Thornton, a family physician in London, Ontario. She advocates for the idea that we consider physical activity as medicine – a philosophy that grew out of personal experience. Thornton was a shy, sedentary 14-year-old when she signed up for a beginner’s rowing class in Fredericton. While her physical fitness improved, a new social circle opened to her and her grades went up. Thornton went on to become a world-champion rower and represented Canada at the 2008 Olympics.</p> <p>A few years after competing in the Olympics and shortly before retiring from sport, she enrolled in medical school. She was surprised by the lack of information provided to physicians-in-training about the benefits of exercise. “For whatever reason, there just wasn’t any content at all on physical activity,” she says.</p> <p>In 2014, Thornton started working on a campaign with the Canadian Academy of Sport and Exercise Medicine to get doctors to prescribe physical activity for patients – including walking. “I don’t think it’s a panacea for everybody, but it is one of the easiest, best solutions we have at our disposal,” she says.</p> <p>One significant reason that walking is so good for us is fairly straightforward: when we move, our hearts work harder to transport blood to the working muscles and organs. That repeated effort strengthens the heart muscle, making it pump more efficiently at all times, sending blood around the body with fewer beats per minute. Exercise also improves the function of blood vessels, with one analysis reporting that aerobic exercise can improve our vascular health.</p> <p>Walking helps build other muscles, too, especially in the lower body, and improves balance and strength. Physiotherapists like to say “Motion is lotion.” When our bodies don’t move enough, they stiffen. Ligaments, tendons and muscles tighten when they’re not used, causing pain in joints. For back pain, especially, movement can help. When we walk, we activate the muscles that run along the spine, strengthening them. “Pain and function improve just by putting those muscles into play,” Thornton says.</p> <p>Hospitals have also begun to embrace the value of walking. At Mount Sinai in Toronto, older patients weren’t always encouraged to get up from bed because of the risk of falling. About ten years ago, that changed. Assisted by doctors, nurses and volunteers, patients are now prompted to walk to the bathroom, explore the hallways and get out of bed to eat their meals.</p> <p>Since that change, fewer patients require catheters and suffer pressure ulcers. On average, they spend less time in the hospital. “Every day that an older person is in bed, they lose five per cent of their physical functioning,” says Dr Samir Sinha, Mount Sinai Hospital’s director of geriatrics. “So getting them up and walking can reduce the chance that grandma might not be able to return home.”</p> <p><strong>It's good for your mental health </strong></p> <p>One of the most important benefits of walking every day is that it’s equally beneficial for our mental health. For Duguay, walking helped her through some of the toughest periods in her life. When her mother died of cancer, Duguay turned to the mountain to walk through her pain. “I would cry all the way up the mountain,” she remembers. In this way, walking became her antidepressant.</p> <p>According to a 2019 study led by researchers at Harvard University, people with a genetic risk for depression are less likely to struggle with the condition if they exercise – even performing light physical activity like walking.</p> <p>Walking also reduces the risk of dementia and Alzheimer’s disease. In 2019, the World Health Organization released new guidelines on dementia prevention, and its top recommendation was to get more exercise.</p> <p>“We’ve always known that exercise is good for your heart, but we’re now making a connection between exercise and cognitive improvements,” said Dr Saskia Sivananthan, chief research &amp; knowledge, translation and exchange officer at the Alzheimer Society of Canada.</p> <p>Although that link isn’t yet fully understood, Sivananthan says there are a number of possible explanations: increased blood flow to the brain increases the organ’s cell growth; physical activity stimulates certain hormones that improve well-being and may reduce brain-matter loss linked to cognitive function; and walking might also reduce inflammation in the brain.</p> <p>Meanwhile, one study from McMaster University has shown that aerobic activity that incorporates intervals of higher-intensity exertion improves memory function. According to Dr Jennifer Heisz, who worked on the research, walking promotes production of a protein, BDNF, that spurs growth of new brain cells. These cells help us create high-fidelity memories – “the type we need every day to locate our car in a busy parking lot and recognise a friend in a crowd,” she said.</p> <p><strong>It's good for your social life</strong></p> <p>Jim Button, a 56-year-old entrepreneur, was diagnosed with kidney cancer in 2014. He underwent successful surgery but, less than two years later, he learned that his cancer was back, had spread and was terminal.</p> <p>Button knew that exercise would help keep him as healthy as possible. He started walking five kilometres a day. Before his diagnosis, he’d meet with business contacts and friends at coffee shops. Now he asks them to join him on a walk. Every day over the last three years that his health has allowed, Button has gone for a walk, all the while expanding the range of his walking partners – he regularly strolls with strangers who reach out to him seeking business advice, or people recently diagnosed with cancer and other illnesses.</p> <p>“I’ve discovered that not a lot of people go for walks,” Button says. “And when they do, it opens up their mind to be a bit more honest about whatever challenge they would like to talk about.” On some walks, he says, conversation never slows. On others, little is said but much is shared, even silently.</p> <p>Inspired by Button’s strolls, Dr Lisa Bélanger – founder of Knight’s Cabin, a Canadian charity for cancer survivors and their supporters – helped found an initiative in Calgary called Walk It Out. The program is like other peer support groups, but participants walk outside while they share their experiences with the disease. “More than in a sit-down, face-to-face meeting, walking seems to allow a conversation to flow naturally,” she says.</p> <p>Bélanger, who is an expert in behavioural medicine, adds that walking has the power to undo negative thought patterns. “If you’re thinking about a problem and you go for a walk, the activity in your brain changes, and you learn and think better,” she says.</p> <p>Like Button, Nancy Duguay has corralled her community around her daily walks. The more she walked, the more people around her saw the benefits and started doing it, too. Her husband, Roger, began to accompany her on hikes on their holidays. And about seven years after Duguay’s first walk up a nearby mountain, her sister decided to try it. Now she, too, takes a walk every day, and they often go together. A small community of walkers has formed around them.</p> <p>“We’ll meet people coming down and say, ‘This was a tough one today. It was really slippery, but boy, you know, it’s worth it.’”</p> <p><strong>Put your best food forwards</strong></p> <p>To experience all the benefits of walking every day, treat it like a workout, says personal-fitness trainer Korey Samuelson:</p> <p>Walk with an upright posture, your head held straight, not looking up or down. Keep your gaze about five metres ahead.</p> <p>To move faster, put more bend in your elbows.</p> <p>Swing your arms forwards and back; moving them across the body isn’t efficient. “Just like sprinting, arm movement is important for strong walking,” says Samuelson.</p> <p>When your lead foot lands on the ground, roll from heel to toe. Your footwear should be pliable enough to allow the natural movement across your foot.</p> <p>To speed up, increase your strides per minute rather than elongating your strides. More steps per minute means you’ll travel further, faster.</p> <p>Use Nordic walking poles to increase your heart rate and burn more calories.</p> <p>Intersperse intervals of brisk walking with periods at a slower pace.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://www.readersdigest.co.nz/healthsmart/heres-why-you-need-to-go-for-a-walk-every-single-day" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Reader's Digest</a>. </em></p>

Body

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Ready-made foods you should avoid at all costs

<h2>Pasta dishes</h2> <p>Those ready-made spaghetti Bolognese and creamy pasta dishes are comfort foods at their finest, but they’re not the best for your body. Skip the frozen dishes, which tend to be loaded with sodium and fat, and throw your own healthy pasta recipe together, suggests paediatric dietitian Jodi Greebel. Not only is boiling pasta quick and easy, but you also have more control over what goes into the sauce and sides. Load yours up with nutritious veggies and throw in a tin of lentils for a healthier twist on your guilty-pleasure pasta.</p> <h2>Kids’ meals</h2> <p>Parenting is a 24/7 job, and if you cook separate meals for your little ones, sometimes you lack the energy and time. It’s tempting to pop a frozen kids’ meal in the oven and serve dinner 20 minutes later, but that meal probably isn’t something you really want in your child’s belly. “Some meals have more than half the amount of fat a child needs for the whole day,” says Greebel. With just a teensy bit more effort, you can dish up something you can feel confident feeding your child. For standby freezer aisle meals, Greebel recommends baked chicken nuggets with frozen veggies, but fresh food can be just as easy. Pick up a rotisserie chicken to serve with two vegetables – food that will feed not just your children but the adults in the house too. Any leftovers use in tacos for tomorrow night’s meal.</p> <h2>Low-protein veggie burgers</h2> <p>Skipping the traditional cheeseburger for a meatless option can be better for your belly and the planet, but there’s a catch. A lot of people look at all plant-based burgers as healthy protein substitutes, but some are much higher in carbohydrates and fat than protein, says nutrition program creator Ilana Muhlstein. “Protein is important for keeping us full and preventing overeating.” Leave it on the shelf if the nutrition facts say just five grams of protein, and hunt down another veggie patty with ten grams or more, she suggests.</p> <h2>Frozen stir-fries</h2> <p>Frozen meals like stir-fries are loaded with sodium, thanks in part to the sauces they come in. Luckily, a healthier version is just as easy and freezer-friendly. Buy a pack of plain frozen veggies – some stores even sell stir-fry vegetables without the sauce – and throw them in your wok or frying pan with chicken or beef, suggests Greebel. Use just a bit of low-sodium soy or teriyaki sauce to keep the salt to a minimum.</p> <h2>Fried foods</h2> <p>So, how bad are fried foods? Chips and other frozen fried food is tasty, but it shouldn’t be a part of your regular diet. Loaded with sodium and saturated fats, it could increase your risk of heart disease and obesity. Keep some healthier snack options on hand so you’re not tempted by the fried stuff. Throw together a pita pizza instead of frozen pizza, or make chicken tacos.</p> <h2>Two-serving meals</h2> <p>When you’re looking for a quick and healthy single-serving dinner, buyer beware: some frozen foods look reasonable in calories, fat, and sodium at first glance, but they’re actually two servings disguised as one. Double-check the portion size before you dig in to make sure you’re not biting off more than you’d want to chew. Swap the poser out for a single-serving meal, or set half aside for leftovers.</p> <p><em>Image credit: Shutterstock</em></p> <p><em>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://www.readersdigest.co.nz/kitchen-tips/ready-made-foods-you-should-avoid-at-all-costs" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Reader's Digest</a>. </em></p>

Food & Wine

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Are the Oscars going to take animated films more seriously?

<p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/robert-boucaut-1215760">Robert Boucaut</a>, <em><a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-adelaide-1119">University of Adelaide</a></em></p> <p>“Animation is cinema. Animation is not a genre. And, animation is ready to be taken to the next step – we are all ready for it, please help us, keep animation in the conversation.”</p> <p>This was Guillermo del Toro’s testament accepting the Academy Award for Best Animated Feature Film in 2023 for <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1488589/">Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio</a>, released by Netflix. As one of the most acclaimed modern auteurs – and one who has <a href="https://www.avclub.com/guillermo-del-toro-is-going-all-in-on-animation-1850539253">announced his intention to stick with animation</a> as his preferred medium – his acceptance speech reads like a plea directly to the academy.</p> <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/shW9i6k8cB0?wmode=transparent&amp;start=0" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></figure> <h2>Animated films at the Oscars</h2> <p>The Oscars have had a storied history of engaging with animated cinema. Since 2002, they have awarded a Best Animated Feature award, first won by Shrek. This was a time of technological innovations for 3D animation (think Toy Story or A Bug’s Life), and of standout A-list voice performances (Robin Williams in Aladdin, or Shrek’s star-studded cast).</p> <p>By including animated films as a standalone category, the Oscars ended up segregating them: animation was treated as its own thing. Beauty and the Beast broke ground as the first-ever animated nominee for the Best Picture Oscar in 1992, but only two films have achieved such a feat since.</p> <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/iurbZwxKFUE?wmode=transparent&amp;start=0" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></figure> <p>Up (2009) and Toy Story 3 (2010) were Best Picture Oscar nominees (and Best Animated Feature winners) of their respective years. However, such recognition only came after the academy expanded its Best Picture category from five nominees to up to 10. This was a concerted effort to include more popular films in the Oscars due to waning audience interest, after Best Picture snubs of The Dark Knight and WALL-E.</p> <p>If animated films have had difficulty breaking into the Oscars’ vision of a Best Picture, then voice talent has been outright bypassed for consideration in acting categories. Since Shrek, stars have increasingly taken on voice work for animated projects in ways that elevates them from a side-hustle to key parts of their CVs.</p> <p>For instance, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5L1iX5JiuwI">Chris Pratt</a> and <a href="https://www.vogue.com/article/anya-taylor-joy-princess-peach-super-mario-premiere">Anya Taylor-Joy</a>’s promotional duties for The Super Mario Bros. Movie represent significant time and stardom investments for the sake of animated intellectual property.</p> <p>Yet without the physical body to observe, the Oscars have ignored voice work in animated films. The most meaningful push to have a voice performance nominated was for Scarlett Johansson’s in Her where she played a computer operating system. Johansson’s performance was nuanced, played with chemistry against her co-stars, and, ironically, Her was not an animated film.</p> <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/dJTU48_yghs?wmode=transparent&amp;start=0" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></figure> <h2>Are things changing?</h2> <p>The <a href="https://theconversation.com/winning-everything-everywhere-all-at-once-5-experts-on-the-big-moments-at-the-oscars-2023-201661">Oscars this year</a> shifted their brand of “prestige” to value the “cinematic experience” (and box office money) in the age of streaming.</p> <p>The sweep of Everything Everywhere All at Once and Best Picture nominations for Top Gun: Maverick and Avatar: The Way of Water in 2023 signal the academy conspicuously praising populist fare for bringing audiences into the physical cinema. This then hopefully attracts <a href="https://variety.com/2023/tv/news/2023-oscar-ratings-academy-awards-audience-1235550070/">more audience eyeballs to an Oscars telecast</a> where they are likely to have actually seen some of the nominees.</p> <p>Popular film’s infiltration of the Oscars even seeped into the acting categories. Everything Everywhere All At Once’s indie cred made nominations (and three eventual wins) for its stars logical and welcome, but even Black Panther: Wakanda Forever’s Angela Bassett scored a Best Supporting Actress nomination, the first acting recognition for the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Its online fandom was instrumental here, having opined the academy’s biases against their beloved franchise.</p> <p>Now, Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse has arrived ahead of the 2024 Oscars race. The animated film boasts a star-studded cast, including past Oscar nominees and winners like Daniel Kaluuya and Hailee Steinfeld in key supporting roles. Shameik Moore’s lead vocal performance as Miles Morales is also exceptional. Still figuring out what it means to balance being Spider-Man with a complicated home and social life, he sounds remarkably recognisable as a modern teenager.</p> <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/cqGjhVJWtEg?wmode=transparent&amp;start=0" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></figure> <p>Credit for this extends to a snappy script and intricate editing that bounces through its complex multiverse setting and superhero super-stakes to focus on moving character development. Thematically, it reflects on the artistic value of the superhero genre, unpacking the Spider-Man lore across its many iterations. And, of course, the visual artistry on display is mind-blowing, truly pushing cinematic excess in ways that only animation (currently) can.</p> <p>Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse is the kind of popular cinema that the academy is currently primed to take more seriously. It’s on track to become one of the year’s box office successes, serves a dedicated fandom, showcases a stacked cast and dynamically plays with genre and narrative conventions.</p> <p>As part two of a trilogy, it is unlikely to take out the Best Picture race altogether (Beyond the Spider-Verse, coming in 2024, is the more likely candidate if it sticks the landing). But it is still well-positioned to break through the confines of the Best Animated Feature category.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/207716/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/robert-boucaut-1215760">Robert Boucaut</a>, PhD Candidate &amp; Tutor, Media Department, <em><a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-adelaide-1119">University of Adelaide</a></em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/are-the-oscars-going-to-take-animated-films-more-seriously-207716">original article</a>.</em></p> <p><em>Images: Sony Pictures Animation</em></p>

Movies

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"You go for a wee, I'm gonna stall": Harry Styles stops mid-concert for pregnant fan

<p>Harry Styles has proven once again that he is nicest man in the world after halting his concert so a pregnant fan could use the bathroom. </p> <p>Performing in Cardiff in Wales, the 29-year-old pop star was interacting with the crowd when he singled out expectant mother Sian and her partner Elliot.</p> <p>The woman had asked Styles to help her name her unborn child, with the former One Direction member happy to oblige. </p> <p>However, before they began to brainstorm names, Sian admitted pregnancy was taking its toll while she stood in the massive stadium, and needed to use the bathroom. </p> <p>Styles acknowledged her predicament, telling the crowd, "I think we all agree that it's important that Sian goes for a wee don't we?"</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/reel/Ctv8sA4xUOZ/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/reel/Ctv8sA4xUOZ/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Harry Styles Updates ♡︎ (@harry_update)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>The star then told her, "Do you know what I'm gonna do this one time? You go for a wee, I'm gonna stall."</p> <p>"Make some noise for Sian everyone. If you hurry up, you won't miss a thing."</p> <p>The woman then rushed off to the bathroom, while Styles continued speaking with fans in the audience until she returned. </p> <p>Once Sian was back in the crowd, Harry cheered before asking the couple which names they've considered for a boy and a girl. </p> <p>He then asked the audience to help him pick from the names Stevie, Harley, Rafe and Caleb, with the loudest cheer going to Stevie.</p> <p>Styles concluded the heart-warming interaction by encouraging the crowd to "make some noise for Sian, Elliot and maybe baby Stevie!"</p> <p><em>Image credits: Instagram</em></p>

Caring

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“Please go away”: Grieving mother slams “god-bothering” vandal

<p dir="ltr">A heart-broken mother has slammed a “god-botherer” who superglued a cross to her son’s memorial.</p> <p dir="ltr">Sydney parents Edwina and Anthony Symonds lost their son Sebastian, lovingly known as Seb, when he was just 10-months-old in 2018.</p> <p dir="ltr">After Seb’s death, the grieving parents organised for a memorial plaque to be fixed to a sitting rock located at a popular walk in the city's northern beaches – a place they frequented with Seb before his passing.</p> <p dir="ltr">Edwina told <a href="https://honey.nine.com.au/latest/sydney-baby-memorial-plaque-cross-super-glue-parents-message/348ed1ef-3155-4d56-977e-df84db43715b" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><em>9Honey</em> </a>that she is used to finding well-wishing trinkets people have left behind on Seb’s memorial.</p> <p dir="ltr">"Previously we've had little bibles left there, or small rocks that have been painted by children, or feathers," Edwina said, adding that the family usually takes the items with them as they go along.</p> <p dir="ltr">However, Edwina said one passerby has taken it too far, by supergluing a religious cross to the plaque.</p> <p dir="ltr">"It's obnoxious," Edwina says.</p> <p dir="ltr">She was informed of the unwanted addition to her son's plaque by a friend, and shared a post on a local Facebook page to explain her distress.</p> <p dir="ltr">"To be fair, I'm Catholic and I used to go to church every week when I was younger. I don't have a problem with religion," she said.</p> <p dir="ltr">"I think I captured it well with what I wrote. But don't super glue your religion to me or my son."</p> <p dir="ltr">Her Facebook post read, "To the God-botherer that vandalised our son's plaque by supergluing a cross to it!!! I imagine somewhere in whatever religion you choose to follow, there is some sort of rule that says, 'Don't be a low-life by wrecking other people's property.' If not, there should be.”</p> <p dir="ltr">"Religion is a nice ideal. You are entitled to your beliefs and no-one should take issue with that. I certainly don't.”</p> <p dir="ltr">"I am sure you had some lovely thoughts when you were sitting with Seb like, 'God took this baby to a 'better' place, or that he 'had a plan' for this child, or even the classic 'everything happens for a reason.'”</p> <p dir="ltr">"Cool story, but please go away. Seb doesn't need you to 'save' him. He died already. He can't be saved.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Anthony also commented on the post, not holding back with his frustration over the vandal’s actions.</p> <p dir="ltr">"To the god botherer, Seb is looking down having a laugh at your kooky effort and giving you his swear finger. At 10 months old, his heart was as pure as it gets, though he has subsequently learnt the words f--k you.”</p> <p dir="ltr">"A narrow minded fool, keep away from Seb's little playground. Keep your ideas out of other people's lives unless invited in, the end.”</p> <p dir="ltr">While many of the comments expressed distress at news of her son's death at such a young age, Edwina was quick to explain they are managing to live with their grief, and that Seb's death isn't the issue at hand.</p> <p dir="ltr">"I'm sure they had good intentions, but their execution is s***house," Edwina told <em>9Honey</em>.</p> <p dir="ltr">"I haven't been down there yet, you have to walk one kilometre along the walkway to see it. I'll have to go to Bunnings to get some bond remover or something. But I have two young kids, so it's just another thing on my to-do list."</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image credits: Facebook</em></p>

Family & Pets

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10 polite habits nail techs actually dislike – and what to do instead

<p><strong>Nail salon etiquette mistakes</strong></p> <p>Repeat after us: Pampering yourself is important. An easy way to do just that? Getting a manicure. Not only is it relatively affordable, but prettily painted nails can also put an extra pep in your step. Of course, the nail tech who does your manicure plays a large role in making you feel so good: From that wonderful hand massage to getting your cuticles in tip-top shape, their skills can make a huge difference. So, it only makes sense that you’d want to treat them really well.</p> <p>But here’s the thing: Certain seemingly polite etiquette rules can actually make a nail tech’s job harder. Plus, while it’s important to be nice, you don’t have to try extra hard to make their life easier. “A manicure is your time off, so you should relax,” says Karina Medrano, a nail technician.</p> <p>So what does that mean? It means there are certain polite habits that are totally a must. And then there are other moves you can (and should) skip so you can focus on your own relaxation. Since it can be hard to identify exactly what most people dislike, we turned to the pros to fill us in on polite moves that are actually etiquette mistakes at the nail salon.</p> <p><strong>Anticipating their next move</strong></p> <p>Over the course of your manicure, your nail tech will likely move your hands around a bit – turning them over to apply lotion and rotating each finger to paint your tips with the best nail polish. If you’ve had a number of manicures, you may even be able to anticipate what they’ll need you to do next and be tempted to save them from having to tell you how to move. Don’t do it. “Many times, clients position themselves in a way that seems to be helpful, but it’s the contrary,” says Medrano. You may make the wrong move and actually mess up their paint job, causing them to have to start over.</p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em>Do this instead:</em></span> “It’s best to let your nail tech move you around,” says Medrano. “There is no need to tense up – just relax.” Put simply, wait for them to direct you. One way to make that easier is to pay attention to what’s going on. If you have headphones on and are listening to music or a podcast, keep it at a low enough volume that you can hear your technician if they need you to do something.</p> <p><strong>Keeping the conversation going</strong></p> <p>When you’re getting your nails done, you’re literally face to face with your manicurist. Because of this, you may feel like it’s your job to chat with them and keep them entertained. But there’s no need to rack your brain for conversation starters. This is a job, and there is zero expectation that you should keep your nail tech entertained, says Medrano. If you want to chat, no problem. If you don’t? Well, that’s OK too.</p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em>Do this instead:</em></span> If you’d prefer quiet, Medrano says that it’s become totally normal to ask for a “silent appointment”. You can either let the salon know when you book your appointment or you can mention to your tech when you sit down that you are going to use the appointment to relax and have some quiet time.</p> <p><strong>Giving a colour a chance when you don't like it </strong></p> <p>You arrive at the salon and are faced with a wall of nail polish colours. Whether you want the trendiest colour of the season or just what you’re in the mood for, you’ll probably spend some time debating the perfect shade. Fast-forward to the moment your manicurist is slicking it on, and – you’re not so sure about it. But you feel bad and want to give it a chance. Maybe you’ll like it once the second coat is on, right? And you’d hate to make the tech take it off and start over.</p> <p>“For many, the hardest time to speak up during their appointment is when they don’t like the colour,” says Medrano. “But it’s better to tell us the second you start doubting your choice. Applying the colour is the most time-consuming part, and catching the colour change before doing all 10 fingers helps us stay on track with our appointments.” Plus, your nail tech wants you to walk away happy!</p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em>Do this instead:</em></span> If you’re not feeling the colour, speak up as soon as possible. You can simply tell them you’re not sure you like it. Then, tell them what you don’t like – maybe the red you chose is too orange or the pink is too sheer. They may be able to suggest another shade that is what you are looking for. After all, they see lots of different colours every day.</p> <p><strong>Removing your own gel</strong></p> <p>If you get gel manicures, you know that removing that type of polish can take a long time. You have to sit with remover on your nails for a while before the gel can be scraped away. But trying to do it at home to save time and work for your nail tech is not advisable. Gel polish needs to be removed in a certain way to minimise damage, warns nail artist Braelinn Frank. If you try to remove it yourself and wreck your nails, your tech will be left trying to get them back into shape to prevent your nails from peeling.</p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em>Do this instead:</em></span> When you make your appointment, let them know you have gel polish that will need to be removed. This allows the salon to build in more time for your appointment so the gel can be removed properly by a professional and you don’t make a bigger mess for your manicurist.</p> <p><strong>Deferring to the pro</strong></p> <p>Do you want rounded nails or more of an almond shape? Do you want your cuticles cut, or do you just want your manicurist to use really good cuticle oil before pushing them back? These are all decisions you’ll need to make during your appointment. Don’t just defer to the tech. Yes, they’re pros, but these are your nails. “It’s helpful when someone knows what they want their nails to look like,” says Medrano.</p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em>Do this instead:</em></span> If you really aren’t sure what you want, avoid telling the nail tech to do whatever they’d like. A better way to approach it is to ask them for their input on the different options and then make the decision that’s best for you based on what they tell you.</p> <p><strong>Cleaning up</strong></p> <p>There’s always a little bit of a mess when you get your nails done – think nail clippings, dust from filing, used cotton balls from removing polish. Worried that your nail tech is grossed out by all this and annoyed at having to pick up after you? They’re not. Not only that, but if you try to clean up, you might just get in the way. “It’s part of our job to keep up with the mess,” says Medrano. “And we know our way around our station best.” Remember, you can always give yourself a manicure at home, but if you go to the salon, one of the perks is not having to clean up!</p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em>Do this instead:</em></span> If you want to help, the best thing you can do is stay out of your nail tech’s way. As they try to wipe down their station, move your hands so they can do that. In other words, pay attention and adjust your positioning when needed – that will be the best way to help.</p> <p><strong>Moving your own stuff to the drying station</strong></p> <p>Your manicure is done, and it’s time to move over to the drying station. You feel bad about making a tech pick up your handbag, so you grab it yourself. While your intention is to be kind, you may smudge your nails and mess up all the hard work they just did. “We are here to help,” says Medrano, who confirms it’s better for them to help than to have you mess up your nails. Plus, even a little chip or smudge is a cardinal sin when it comes to making your manicure last longer.</p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em>Do this instead:</em></span> Allow them to move your bag (and any other items you have with you) to the drying station. Be gracious, and say thank you. Also let them pull out the chair or stool for you. Really don’t want someone to pick up your bag? Consider wearing a small crossbody bag so you can keep it on during your appointment.</p> <p><strong>Holding it in</strong></p> <p>Maybe you have to sneeze, or perhaps you are mid-manicure and suddenly have to pee. Holding it in does nobody any favours. While you may not want to interrupt the appointment, your nail tech would rather you be comfortable and enjoy the service. Plus, if you hold in your sneeze, it could backfire and lead to a bigger sneeze where you spray germs everywhere. “Do not be scared to ask if you need to do something,” says Medrano. “Nothing surprises us.”</p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em>Do this instead:</em></span> Need to use the bathroom? Let your tech know, and ask when the best time would be for you to do so. Have to sneeze? Say, “I’m going to sneeze.” Then, rather than using your hands to cover your mouth (which your tech then needs to go back to touching), sneeze into the crook of your arm.</p> <p><strong>Trying to shimmy your credit card out of your wallet</strong></p> <p>If the end of your appointment has come and you still haven’t paid, sliding your credit card out of your wallet with wet nails may feel like a Herculean task. But you can’t possibly ask your nail tech to do that, right? That would be rude. Wrong again. It’s actually ruder to smudge the beautiful paint job your nail tech just put a ton of time and energy into.</p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em>Do this instead:</em></span> “The amount of times that I have helped take out credit cards? It’s quite often,” says Medrano. “Just ask! Truly, it’s no problem.” Make it easier on your tech by telling them exactly where it is and what colour the card is; that way, they don’t have to fish around for it. Also, there’s no need to apologise – just say thank you!</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p> <p><em>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://www.readersdigest.co.nz/healthsmart/tips/10-polite-habits-nail-techs-actually-dislike-and-what-to-do-instead" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Reader's Digest</a>. </em></p>

Beauty & Style

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8 best places to go on holiday that zap stress (even after you get home), according to experts

<p><strong>Health benefits of holidaying </strong></p> <p>aking regular holidays offers a wealth of physical and mental health benefits – in fact, research says getting enough holiday time may help you live longer.</p> <p>Psychologist Dr Carla Manly, author of <em>Joy from Fear</em>, says just the process of planning a holiday brings an immediate sense of wellbeing. “Having something wonderful to anticipate gives the mind and spirit a surge of happiness,” Dr Manly says. “Particularly when issues such as burnout cause additional stress and anxiety, having upcoming travel adventures to look forward to can make all the difference in mental health and overall wellbeing.”</p> <p>But when your heart is set on seriously escaping the demands of work and life, research suggests there are a handful of best places to go on holiday that will rejuvenate you the most. Science, local lore, and a bit of esoteric legend suggest some destinations go the extra mile when it comes to soothing our bodies, relieving stress, and delivering a holiday experience that really does the job.</p> <p>Where are the world’s greatest places to go on holiday to relieve stress? Here are eight destinations that are said to maximally inspire awe and renewal (and that may inspire you to start searching for flights immediately).</p> <p><strong>Okinawa, Japan</strong></p> <p>Shinrin-yoku, which has become known as “forest bathing,” is a form of ecotherapy developed in the 1980s by Japan’s Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry, and Fisheries. The idea of forest bathing is that spending time in nature awakens the senses to promote physical and mental health benefits. A wealth of research supports these claims.</p> <p>A review of studies published in Environmental Health and Preventive Medicine found that forest bathing improves heart health, endocrine system function, metabolism, immunity, and inflammation levels, as well as psychological and emotional health.</p> <p>There are dozens of certified Shinrin-yoku forests throughout Japan (and really, you can practise forest bathing in any natural surroundings). But what makes Okinawa special is that it’s one of the world’s five Blue Zones, the geographical areas where data consistently show the residents live the longest lives. Researchers have found common traits among people living in Blue Zones, such as prioritising stress relief, engaging in regular movement, following a balanced diet, and having strong social bonds.</p> <p>Yanburu is a particularly popular spot for forest-bathing stress away. Located in the north of Okinawa, Yanburu is a subtropical rainforest with incredible biodiversity.</p> <p><strong>Grindavik, Iceland</strong></p> <p>With its towering waterfalls, vast glaciers, and dramatic landscapes, Iceland has been one of the world’s most up-and-coming travel destinations of this century. In fact, a March 2023 analysis of Google search volume named it the most popular destination for solo female travellers in 2023. But before you make a beeline for the capital city, Reykjavik, consider stopping in the less-travelled town of Grindavik.</p> <p>Grindavik is a sleepy former fishing village just 20 minutes from the airport and offers easy access to many of Iceland’s top sites. Most notably, it’s home to the Blue Lagoon, a natural geothermal spa with a unique composition of minerals and algae not found anywhere else on Earth. Research in 2022 in the peer-reviewed medical journal, Skin Pharmacology and Physiology, stated that the Blue Lagoon’s waters are known to improve skin health for some of the most stubborn psoriasis cases.</p> <p>The Blue Lagoon’s consistency also allows you to float weightlessly. Peer-reviewed findings in the Natural Medicine Journal in 2021 concluded that flotation therapy stimulates a “robust relaxation response,” supporting stress reduction, energy levels, and general wellbeing. The review’s authors stated that their research “revealed benefits of floating, specifically regarding participants experiencing muscular pain, depression, anxiety, stress, and sleep disorders.”</p> <p><strong>Helsinki, Finland</strong></p> <p>According to Gallup’s March 2023 world happiness report, Finland has claimed the top spot since 2017 – and Travel &amp; Leisure Asia has named Finland’s capital, Helsinki, among the globe’s “least stressed” cities. Researchers suggest that this sense of wellbeing among Finns comes down to the culture’s gravitation towards nature and a slow living lifestyle – an experience wellness-seekers must see for themselves.</p> <p>Around 75% of Finland is covered by forests, and there are almost 200,000 lakes. Research has shown the country’s high accessibility to varied, multi-sensory natural environments leads to a range of wellbeing benefits.</p> <p>For instance, a 2023 study led by researchers from the Finnish Institute for Health and Welfare even found that Helsinki’s abundant green and blue spaces reduced people’s use of medications for depression and anxiety, blood pressure, and asthma.</p> <p><strong>Bali, Indonesia</strong></p> <p>An island of sandy coastline, jungles, volcanoes, and waterfalls, Bali is one of the most biodiverse places on the planet, with ecotherapy opportunities around every corner. A 2022 psychiatry and public health study found that tropical holidays in particular support mental health. Some believe that it’s no coincidence that Bali leaves visitors with a particularly high sense of wellbeing.</p> <p>The theory of Ley lines asserts that major historic and sacred landmarks – such as Stonehenge, the Pyramids, and ancient burial grounds – are connected by an “energy grid.” Bali falls at the intersection of two lines on this conceptual map, which believers say creates a powerful healing energy. Science has found no evidence to support the theory of Ley lines, but an analysis of research published in Humanities suggests that the concept itself – whether true or not – gives rise to valuable opportunities to connect with our surroundings physically and spiritually.</p> <p><strong>Las Catalinas, Costa Rica</strong></p> <p>A 2013 study found that people are at their happiest near the ocean – and numerous studies since have supported the link between “blue views” and wellbeing.</p> <p>While any coastline seems like an invitation to de-stress, the small oceanside town of Las Catalinas shores up wellness in unique ways. Las Catalinas is entirely car-free – you get around on foot or by bike – which encourages a slower pace of life, more time in nature, and a stronger sense of local community.</p> <p>Las Catalinas is also a great jumping-off point to explore the Nicoya Peninsula, another of the world’s five Blue Zones (where residents are twice as likely than Americans to live to age 100!).</p> <p><strong>Sedona, Arizona</strong></p> <p>With its sandstone cliffs, year-round blue skies, and unique red-green landscapes, Sedona is a revered destination for anyone looking to get back to nature. It’s also one of only 36 certified Dark Sky communities in the world, offering magical Milky Way stargazing opportunities. Research has shown that light pollution is associated with increases in stress, mood disorders, and physical health issues – while dark skies promote relaxation and ultra-healthy sleep.</p> <p>Sedona, like Bali, lies at the intersection of Ley lines, which contributes in part to the town’s deep spiritual history. Native American tribes considered the area sacred, amplified by a serene, healing energy that can intensify your connection with nature and promote greater self-awareness.</p> <p>Today, people continue to believe there are four “energy vortex” locations with energy so strong it twists the desert flora. While juniper trees, like those in Arizona, are known to get kinks in their trunk, Sedona’s harmony-seeking pilgrims will say not to knock the area’s peaceful vibe until you experience it.</p> <p><strong>Exuma, Bahamas</strong></p> <p>Exuma is a collection of more than 360 islands known for having some of the clearest, sapphire-blue ocean water in the world. You could spend days island-hopping, swapping out stress for blue views – or jump right in for even greater wellbeing. Psychiatry research in 2022 showed that the weightlessness and pressure we experience in the water have a calming effect on the mind.</p> <p>In fact, humans have what’s called a mammalian dive reflex, a physiological response that occurs when our face is submerged in water. This reflex slows our heart rate and soothes our nervous system, with studies showing that activating it is effective in relieving feelings of stress, anxiety, and panic. (Plus, Exuma is home to the famous Pig Beach – and a little time with animals goes a long way in reducing stress, according to studies.)</p> <p><strong>Southern Ibiza, Spain</strong></p> <p>Dancing the night away in Ibiza’s legendary music scene can certainly zap your daily stresses in a special way…but if you’re looking for tranquillity, turn to the south.</p> <p>On the Southwest coast of Ibiza, rising from the sea you’ll find the mythical limestone rock called Es Vedrà, which legend says is the tip of the lost city of Atlantis. Es Vedrà is thought to be one of the most magnetic spots on Earth. This is said to confuse compasses and even birds, but some believe the location creates an energetic, healing atmosphere.</p> <p>To the Southeast lies Las Salinas, a UNESCO World Heritage site with unique biodiversity. This salt lagoon makes for particularly floaty, salty seawater believed to promote skin health, circulation, and stress relief. The area is also home to the cotton candy pink Lake Torrevieja (and its flocks of pink flamingos). Lake Torrevieja is a mineral-rich body of water thought to have healing powers.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://www.readersdigest.co.nz/travel/8-best-places-to-go-on-holiday-that-zap-stress-even-after-you-get-home-according-to-experts" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Reader's Digest</a>. </em></p>

Travel Tips

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"You're going to be a big sister": Serena Williams shares heart-warming family announcement

<p>Serena Williams has captured the heart-warming moment she told her five-year-old daughter she is soon to be a big sister. </p> <p>The 41-year-old tennis legend is pregnant with her second child, <a href="https://oversixty.co.nz/lifestyle/family-pets/serena-williams-unveils-exciting-family-news" target="_blank" rel="noopener">announcing her big news</a> on the Met Gala red carpet at the beginning of May. </p> <p>Serena and her husband Alexis decided to film the moment they told their daughter Olympia about the newest addition to their family, with the five-year-old's joyous reaction tugging at the heartstrings. </p> <p>In a video uploaded to Serena's YouTube channel, titled Olympia's Surprise, Williams revealed Olympia did not yet know about the pregnancy, adding her daughter noticed she had become “fat”.</p> <p>“Olympia does not know right now that I am pregnant, but she did call me fat and then she got really, like, stressed out,” Williams said as the video started.</p> <p>“She was like ‘Mummy, you’re fat’".</p> <p>“I tried not to take it personal, ‘cause I’m, like, super into fitness, but I’m, like, ‘Uhh, am I?’".</p> <p>“We’re going to tell her (about the pregnancy) and I’m really, really excited to see her reaction.”</p> <p>The video continues with the family sitting on the lounge as Williams prepares for the big announcement.</p> <p><iframe title="YouTube video player" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/LplhG2V1tho" width="560" height="315" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></p> <p>“Remember how you’ve been praying for a little sister or brother?” Serena asked Olympia.</p> <p>“Well, we went to the doctor, and it turns out I’m not getting fat. But I have a baby in my belly.”</p> <p>Olympia’s face then lit up with joy and excitement as she replied: “What, are you kidding me?”</p> <p>“You’re going to be a big sister,” Ohanian and Williams both said.</p> <p>Olympia reacted with joy and reached out and hugged Williams in a beautiful family moment.</p> <p>The video continued as Williams unbuttoned her jeans and lifted her T-shirt to reveal her baby bump, with Olympia overcome with excitement as she jumped off the lounge and screamed with joy while running around the living room.</p> <p>The video has racked up over 40,000 videos in 24 hours, with many fans flooding the comment section with well wishes. </p> <p>One fan wrote, "I don't think there's anyone who deserves this happiness more than Serena. She has blessed us with 3 decades of amazing tennis... What a great way to live life now."</p> <p>Another said, "Olympia is so excited... You deserve it all, Serena."</p> <p><em>Image credits: YouTube</em></p>

Family & Pets